Mattox Live

I haven’t posted a blog post since April. Three months not writing is pretty unheard of from me, but as much as I wanted to write time and time again I just couldn’t do it. Or in the few cases that I did sit down to write, I ultimately stopped and left the post unfinished in drafts.

The fact is, who am I to add my voice to the cacophony of voices all shouting at others. Why would I take the time to voice my thoughts when the only people who would listen are those who already agree with me?

I’ve spent much of the last few months — heck the last YEAR — listening to everyone voice their thoughts. Listening and weighing the statements against my own world view. Do I need to change the way I think? Does this add up to me? Do these statements even make sense? Am I wrong…?

So I choose to say nothing in most cases. Fear of ridicule. Fear of losing relationships that have mattered so much to me. Fear of being wrong. Fear…

Fear has made me a lot wiser in my silence. I’ve learned a lot about others. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned a lot about the world. About history and science and business. I wish I’d learned this much in school! But life is the best teacher and the world truly is the best school you’ll find.

I’m still learning. Every single day I’m learning. And I’m letting my knowledge silence the fear… As I realize certain relationships probably do need to wane and eventually become simply a memory, while others I didn’t nurture properly deserve more attention and care. As I realize there is hard truth, but there is also individual truths wrapped up tightly in experiences and opinions. Truths that seem wrong to one, but that are sacred to another.

Imagine how much better this world would be if we gave as much energy to listening to understand, as we give to preaching our truths and listening only to give responses and rebuttals. The first one is energizing. The second is exhausting… for both parties involved.

I don’t know how to end this or where I’m going from here. I guess I know I want to write more and maybe this is what its going to take to unlock that writer’s block that exists thanks to fear. I guess time will tell…