Mattox Live

It’s 2020 and we are in a pandemic. It feels wrong to say I’m writing this from an airplane, but here we are. I’m on a flight back to Nashville as I write this. Somewhere over Colorado, I think.

Since March, the most I’ve really done is go to work, the grocery store, a little shopping here and there. And we had new floors installed in our house. Past that, I’ve lived a pretty boring life consisting of a lot of time at home.

Oh. I turned 40. That was a pretty big deal I guess. And there was this whole election thing that occurred too. And my parents did make the trip up to visit me for a weekend last month, which did wonders for my heart and soul. So maybe it hasn’t been a totally boring life. But, seriously, I pretty much just go to work these days.

My husband came to work at the taproom with me for a period of time, before he got a call that was an answer to many prayers. A drive. Not just a drive… a long term thing.

So two months ago, I dropped him off at a bus, kissed him good bye, and drove home to my cats. The financial blessing this has been could never be explained. Mid-summer we were sincerely debating if we needed to sell our house and move, because we were barely treading water. And we could do that anywhere. Today, well, today we’re keeping the bills payed and sliding a little into the savings account for when this gig ends.

We are THANKFUL.

We also miss each other terribly. Video phone calls just don’t fill the void of your spouse right beside you. Even if its just sitting on the couch staring at our phones… there’s a comfort in just being there.

So despite my fears. Despite the complete and total breakdowns I had prior to departure, I boarded a plane and flew out to see my husband this last weekend. We got to spend 5 amazing days together doing… a whole lot of nothing.

I hadn’t eaten out since March, but I was forced to do so on this trip. I literally almost hyperventilated the first time we walked in somewhere to eat. But I got through it. And I felt more emotionally stable afterwards.

Sidebar: the mental and emotional toll of this pandemic is real. And it’s hard. And it’s going to last longer than this virus.

We drove around a lot. Where he is (for confidentiality reasons, I’m purposely leaving out his location) is gorgeous and has already had snow this year. All I wanted to do was take in the views around us. Which was a pretty perfect thing to do in a pandemic.

I got COVID tested prior to travel, because I was entering his bubble… about ten people he interacts with daily — his road family — and I didn’t want to risk infecting the whole group. Thankfully it came back negative.

I’ve taken all the precautions, and I’ve perhaps over done some of them. For example, I’m wearing a mask with a gaiter over it. Essentially doubled my mask for flying.

The fact is, I’m terrified of this virus. I have no idea how my body would react. As much a I feel like I’d be fine, I’ve read too many stories of people in far better shape than me dying from it. I’m. Terrified.

I’m probably more terrified of giving the virus to someone else. I care too much about the people around me to put their lives at risk.

The holidays are approaching. I’m not doing anything for Thanksgiving. I’ll probably put up my Christmas tree that day. That’s it. And Christmas is completely up in the air. All this time, I’ve said I was working so hard to stay healthy to keep Christmas safe. Unfortunately, its not just up to me. And the safety of my family is my primary concern.

We will see.

2020. Take every day at a time.