Mattox Live

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. A jumbled up mess of thoughts that I itch to write about, but that I can never put into order enough to do so. While riding in the truck or taking a shower, I write blog posts in my brain with no real beginning, and no real closing.

Writing has always been something of a therapy for me. I once kept a daily journal, a detailed account of my day. Anything that bothered me flowed through my fingers and onto the screen, letting me sort out any number of feelings and/or thoughts. Marriage made that journal feel not-quite-so necessary, as I had my husband to whom I could vent those thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes I miss that journal, and that therapy of writing. But time is often at a premium, and I find myself taking my down time to play a game on my phone instead. Instead of clearing my mind through words, I just turn it off altogether. Zoning out and away from the world.

We’re going into the season of Lent this week. One of the things that has been heavily on my mind lately has been the topic of faith and religion. Mostly the total disdain I’ve heard and witnessed towards having faith or following a religion lately.

The fact is this: faith has gotten me though a lot of things, and being a Catholic is important to me. And I’m looking forward to Lent this year. I’m really looking forward to recentering myself, and prioritizing things I’ve let fall to the wayside a bit.

What does that mean? I don’t know still. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering, “What should I give up for Lent?” Frankly, giving up something like soda or sweets or beer or whatever doesn’t really bring me, personally, closer to God. Sure, any time I pass up a cold beer I’ll be like, “Oh I gave it up for Lent,” but that doesn’t have any teeth for me. Woo. I gave up beer for Lent. I’m still missing the point. (Note, this is for ME. For someone else, giving up a food or something like that might be exactly what they need.)

I’ve already bookmarked a photo challenge that I may try to do. I did one a few years back and it was challenging! Plus, I opted to not go into another 365 Challenge this year, and as such my camera hasn’t come out of its bag in well over a week.

But I think its more that I need to actively fight my natural instinct to procrastinate. I need to actively fight my complete and totally annoyance with other drivers. (Lord help me, driving in Nashville is a CHALLENGE to stay calm. I wish people would choose to start using turn signals and learn how to work a yield sign for Lent.)  I need to cut back my screen time. Less staring at the phone and more looking around at the world. Or maybe less games on the phone at night, and more, you know, sleeping.

Ultimately, I want to just be better. I want to prepare myself for Easter, and the resurrection that we celebrate with it. I want to end the next six weeks with better habits and a stronger faith. And maybe, just maybe, my mind will also be clearer and the anxiety I’ve battled the last few months will finally fade.

If you’re reading this, and you’re a praying soul… pray for me this Lenten season. I most definitely will be praying for you.